Parenting Your Teenager and Youth The Gorilla

Parenting Your Teenager and Youth The Gorilla Q: A parent writes to ask: "Have you written a lot about the difference between the control and management of adolescents. What is the difference ........., and how we do in our family? "A: The counseling and workshops that I have found that many parents are confused about the difference between the control and management of their adolescents. In my experience, not only is a big difference, is "the difference that makes the difference" when it comes to adolescents in a successful control of a family.The approachTaking control approach in a family typically run resentment and rebellion of a teenager, and the exasperation and angerthe the parents. While the control center can be reached respect, but also generates an attitude of "I'll do what we say now, but I would like to retu one day." managmement The approachComing a management approach breeds respect and cooperation, as well as an attitude of "Let's work together as a team. "As I said, trying to control a teenager is like trying to put pants on a gorilla - is only going to frustrate and make the gorilla mad.Now not saying that teenagers should be able to do what they want. The difference between research management control in the face of a teenager is the way you approach situation.A management approach meets the following six criteria: 1) Parents are clearly chargeWhen working with parents to adopt a management approach with adolescents are not suggesting that parents let children do what they want. On the contrary, a fundamental sign of a healthy and strong is the family where the parents are responsible. The fundamental difference comes down to the difference between an authoritarian style and a style of authority from parents. An authoritarian style is from a control center, and a style of management approach.A a good example of an authoritarian style can be found in the film The Great Santini. This family is goveed by the iron fist of her father, a soldier who tried to run his family as his troops ran with moing inspections.The best example that I found an authoritarian style is the Huxtable from The Cosby Show. If you think back to watch the presentation or re-runs you will notice that the Huxtable family, the parents are responsible. At the same time, compassion and care for all family members. A clear indication of this is that while each of the children can not always get a vote, which almost always have a voice.2) The child, over time, leas and eas the ability to be increasingly employed by themselvesNotice I said at the time. This simply means that parents give the child enough rope to hang themselves, to coin a phrase, but to grow. It is not part of someone who has had little or no responsibility, a great responsibility at a time. You give them a little 'and then a little' more, and on.3) There is a clear map for continually building trust and responsibilityIn management approach, there is no guessing on the part of Parent or a child. Everyone knows how the trust and responsibility of the family are obtained. The rules are clear, with little or no surprises.4) Parents have a way to monitor the progress of teenOne easy way is to measure the confidence on a scale of 1 to 10. In this way, parents have a clear goal and monitor progress of their teenager.5) There are clear consequences when the child shows that it can not be responsible for themselves (as in the real world), there is a saying that goes something like "raise a child in the way they should go and when they are adults who do not depart from it." This means that at some point along the way, you let it. It 's just some of the children are going to ruin. Before this happens, there must be a simple understanding of what will happen when the mess up occur.6) There is a clear map of how to regain the trust and responsibilityMany parents tend to consider as a trust or a situation - either you trust completely or not at all. Using a scale of one to ten, not just the parents a way to track progress, can provide a map to know how to get the confidence damaged.Successfully when you run a family through the teenage years is one of the ever more the face of difficult father. Using the approach to the management of six points to help parents get their children and themselves, through the teenage years with much of his sanity intact.Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com tips and tools for thriving during adolescence. You can also subscribe to our f * r * e * e 5 days and Program in Top 5 Things to Never Say to your teen, parents and coach expert Jeff Herring.