As parents Both parents on the same page

As parents Both parents on the same page Q: My husband and I can not agree on how to raise our children. I think my husband is too hard and my husband thinks that I am too lenient. Meanwhile, children are everything. What can we do? A. This is an excellent and all too common question. So, in typical fashion therapist, I would begin my answer with a question.Where of the world that we have the idea that both parents must agree on all aspects of parenting? Somehow we are supposed to believe that two people who have grown up with different models of how the parents (if they were all models), different life experiences and, probably, different temperaments, and will join in agreement with all aspects of the complicated task of parenting.Sorry, just purchased it.Not is not just a possible idea in the real world, can be harmful as well. The optimal objective of the course is that these two individuals to combine their different styles of parents for the proper functioning of equipment and support in parenting. This is difficult, even if it can happen. But when people believe the lie that they always agree to a power struggle can be established between the two adults.We all as it is right and who tend to defend our jobs. In many situations, instead of coming together as a team, parents grow further and to adhere strictly to its styles.A person with a more rigorous style has something to lea from the person with a more mild, and vice versa. But instead of leaing from others, becomes a close and rigorous becomes somewhat 'more lenient. This creates, at best, the criticism and resentment, and a gap big enough for a child to drive a truck through. The children suffer, and even parents cancel out.It provide what I call the `` father''trap. Image of the face of a clock. A 12 hours is the word `` in `` angry''at four to eight palabra''y sympathy in the phrase `` exploited.''Trap begins when a child misbehaves or does something evil is a problem. The mother begins at the top of the clock becomes `` angry''and said something like `` OK, that makes you the earth is for life!''O statement.After a realistic time, the father moves the clock to `` sympathy''and allows the child outside the hook.Sure enough, the child uses, and repeats the same action or something equally frustrating. It moves parents to be exploited ``''. The father does not feel this way for a long time before you say or think, `` How could you do this, after all I did for you? "The mother quickly retued to the top of the clock and `` anger.''You can see the vicious circle of States? At the center is the child functioning show.Now will complicate this process further, with the two different styles of parenting. Imagine having a father locked in anger and the other stuck in sympathy, or a combination equally damaging. There is no hole that you can drive a truck through.There are many ways to this pitfall for parents. One of the simplest is called the odd / schedule.Here 's how it works: In odd-numbered days, one parent will be responsible for the care of children. This means that all the rules, privileges, discussions, etc., from parents for the day. The other parent to stand and simply observe (unless there is blood or other legitimate emergency). His father is the day we can call the other parent, as a consultant, if he or she so wishes. Otherwise, the father was forced to sit in his `` sabiduría''para days. The next day, even days, the roles are simply reversed. The father was in office was shut, and the father is out charge.This floor is the family may benefit in several ways: parents decide to come together to follow the plan.Each father comes to see the others in action and see that he or she may parent.Each father to practice their education skills.The children see each parent charge.The door is open for parents to come together as a team. is the task of parenting is hard enough without tuing into a power struggle between the two adults. It 'important to note that the objective is to form an effective team, with both parents on the basis of their skills and lea from each other. In this way, the whole family benefits.Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com tips and tools for thriving during adolescence. You can also subscribe to our f * r * e * e 5 days and Program in Top 5 Things to Never Say to your teen, parents and coach expert Jeff Herring.