10 housing strategy for cooperation with the education of a little ex

10 housing strategy for cooperation with the education of a little ex Almost six years ago when the father of my children and I divorced, we fully agree to joint custody of our two children, 3 and 6 years at the time. During nine years of marriage, which had never supported educational philosophies and values. I have seen no evidence that the children after divorce is different. Thus, with the help of many books and research, I have to create a beautiful best, as it would be after the divorce: co-host birthday parties, welcome each other? New partner in a family and happy, sitting together at their school and sporting events, while the beams with pride at the achievements of our beautiful children, and always on the same page with meals, bedtime, etc. so that it is so much consistency between our two homes. These are beautiful and healthy ideas, CO and I know many parents who have achieved. But I forgot that for a critical variable in my scenario. I had assumed that my kids' dad would take advantage of this ideal. Unfortunately I was wrong. Shortly after the divorce has been our friendly, has informed me that our future discussions would be only on the issues of planning and exchange of relevant information, such as results of their dental treatment. There is no philosophical? Meeting of minds? About education. He would have parents of our children, when he saw himself in his time, and was not interested in me or input. I was shocked to think that our children should be divided into two apartments with no overlap. I had planned to co-parenting as a happy family is more than two houses. Instead, I would parallel reality? Two separate worlds, without crossing, except in a parking lot on the time of exchange. That was almost six years. My children were better than I ever thought. Their worlds are incommensurable? There are two new step-parents and extended families. They stretched their minds and hearts to the wildly different values of love, dear. I am flexible, open, and think to themselves. They include the relative nature of truth? If my daughter was around four general I tell her a playmate? Well, that might be true for you, ma? It is not for me? You? Ve leaed to recognize what works best for them from a variety of options. You? Ve the life that gave them lemons and lemonade. I? M This article was written by you, less co-parenting ideal situation, that things can be done only in a house (you) that make life for your children, and for you. Here are some of my road tested tidbits of advice: 1) are available. Save your purchases, commissions, etc. for the time is not with you. When I came for the first time at home, just set. My kids usually join me for a snack in the kitchen for about an hour, during which run down their stories, complaints, news, projects, etc. Sometimes one of them sit in my lap, or my daughter play with my hair. Be still, and do it for them emotionally and physically with you. It is time to re-calibrate the pace of your home before you would expect at home or at work. Of course, really for your children, you must: 2) Provide for you. Get regular physical activity. Spending time with a good friend or a therapist who can listen without ruling on all of your feelings. Writing in a newspaper. Work through the anger and pain. Good food. Don? T sacrificing your health or rational thinking? S noble or necessary for the welfare of children. Just as we say in aviation oxygen masks on, secure his own life before you help your child. Not? T have a lot to offer, if your basic needs aren? T met. 3) to evaluate the other parent in the ear of your children. It seems impossible, but let me assure you, that can be done. My ex lives forever in your children? S DNA. If we talk about them, the other parent, however, the child feels offended. We can understand the distinction and separation, but not our children. Keep your decisions for yourself, until you can safely vent your public support of delicacies 2 E 'absolutely necessary that you accept that there is more than one way of doing things. I have a? No comment? Policy, which in the other house. I don? T wonder why you? S, in this way, or because the father has said or done. I simply recognize their communication in a neutral manner, and the feelings again, which could be used. ? Hmmm, sounds like you might feel disappointed by this situation. In this way children can remain in their own experience and the feeling to pass through, without which they need, how to defend the other parent in the attack. And before that the preparation time for your children when they are old enough to become curious why divorced. You? Ll need a neutral and nonjudgmental response. Here? S I read somewhere in one of several research meetings, which I like: Get a few pots and lids in different sizes. Let the children, as if it were? And nothing wrong with the pot or the lid, not everyone is suited together. ? Mom and Dad just do not? T in the most happy. 4) do not judge your children? The sentiments. Just listen. One day my son came home very upset about something that had happened with his father? P. I mean? No comment? Political, his feelings, not right or wrong, but simply that they retued to him. Within a few minutes, the storm was over. He gave a deep sigh of relief, thanked me for attention, and went to play basketball. There was no solution, no problem, and had not been in the situation. He just needed to vent his frustration to freedom and the feeling of love and acceptance, while doing. He does not feel that way, because he refuses to talk about his father in my house, an apology for his father, or hop on the train with him to lay the blame would have prevented the clearing of your emotional energy. Just listen. 5) Teach your child to solve their problems. In this idyllic world of the healthy co-parenting, you can create a family with you all for the problems. For those of us in adequate but not ideal parallel world of fatherhood that? S is not an option. Instead, I? I helped my children to lea effective communication and strategies for solving problems, and practice in our house. Are not, the problems with his family. After her feelings that I address them directly to the father. Often they do not decide. It 'difficult for me to see, but I? Ve leaed to let them take full responsibility for their actions and decisions about his father. My job is to make my lines of communication and clear for them. 6) Double-Kaufen. E? S embarrassment as time brought me to this picture? We have had too much stress or snow pants or dress boots clothes will be sent to the wrong house at the wrong time. I went to save? D and goodwill, and has spent only a few dollars extra on clothes. Now the exchange day, the children have a choice. They wear the clothes cheap, and not have to worry about remembering to retu them, or wearing their good clothes, and the prospect of bringing the value of the company if the retu, which can not forget that when you retu. Problem solved! 7) Don? T your children as messengers, or ask them to speak for you or their parent. Not? T think you can fool both. You know when you go to the ball on the other parent, no matter how subtle you think you? Again. And they hate it. If you suspect abuse or neglect, what happens to the other apartment is not your business, so don? T to request additional information. Of course, you can find out if children want to say something, but not? T PRY. Don? T wonder aloud what Dad thinks that if it pushes a McDonald? S for breakfast and lunch. Don? T ask Mom? S friend went to Water World last weekend, too. If you really want to know, ask your ex and let your child out. Children hate to be asked to spy for you. You can hear that with these responses is a kind of betrayal or the fear that they will be punished for something that is not under their control. (A small aside here: You do not ask your children to secrets from the other parent. If you are in a terrible situation. If this is something that is not? T want the other parent to know your life, not only to say that children on it.) Development of a direct channel of communication between the parents. We use e-mail, and before that we have a backdoor option to send voice messages to each other without the phone ringing. Some parents send a communication notebook or folder back and forth in one of the children? Backpacks. Just last night my daughter told me that his father wanted to know if I would be playing sports, falling over? My day. I could see the relief on his face when I said that? Honey, Don? T worry about that. I? Ll talk to your father, and we? Ll work. 8) and the corollary: Don? T speak for the other parent. Sometimes my children ask because my dad won? T that spend their benefits, as they want, or because you think in this way o. It took more power for me not to talk to my ex at the beginning, when still knew him well enough to give an idea on why it matters. Well, I honestly have no idea what it is? And to think, then? S easy to find him for details. E? S important to the other parent the opportunity and responsibility to speak for themselves with their children. Don? T to run interference. Don? T-defense or to protect the other parent of the actual consequences of their actions. Let your child explain why they are very late, compared to them. The sooner your child is faced with the reality that their parents, before they can about their business, and forgive any adjustments must be made. 9) Free your children to love both without reservation or fear. And each new partner, as well. Please do what the domestic and emotional work that needs to be done, because you're not with your child? And love for your ex or stepparent. This may be the most important of all items. Show your child how to light a candle flame can light other fires, without its own light. Love is infinite? It can not be reduced through exchange with others. Let your child know that you? S OK for her love for my mom and dad also, regardless of how they overlap each other, and that you are sure that they are so much in love that they never run dry. 10) Be a field of happy family. If it is true, your children love hearing was designed to be in love, or the mom and dad were so happy when he was bo. Children with co-parents feel that it is in a peaceful and productive, sometimes hot, interactions. My children will hardly be in the same place at the same time, and even less often reflect a real interaction. My daughter was only three when we divorced, and has no memory of his father and I are happy together. So I collected some good images of several times that his family permutations of forest (* it? S larger than a tree - this idea came from a book in the resource list below), and I hung in a large collage in its room. They beamed and told me that was a favorite of mine and her father with her, when she was a child. And if you asked, I tell her stories about his birth, and how we loved so much, and we want them walking around the neighborhood together. Little, types of stories of everyday life, in the empty seats in his memory with joy. That should be enough to give you a good start. Oh, wait, just one more: The day when the disc is? Re tired or frazzled or overwhelmed, and you make a mistake, please forgive yourself and start again. Be gentle with yourself ... You? re doing the best.